Harry Vs. Voldemort
by Moonlight Lily
Summary: *Chapter 3 Is Up* Just like the title says, except it's a different way of fighting. Heehee. Little bit of H/H and if you like Voldemort, I'm not so sure if you should read this. Plz R&R and no flames.
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Ok just to let you people know, I go this idea from watching a DBZ episode (because it's fun to make fun of it). And I changed this from a DBZ fic to a HP fic. Enjoy. Just a reminder, no flames, unless you're suggesting something to make it better, I don't care.  
  
This begins when Harry's almost dead after a battle with Voldemort, and right now, Voldemort is going to finish Harry off. (A/N: Yeah go Voldemort! Sorry to all the people who like Harry; my friends and I hate him.)  
  
Voldemort: Any last words before I finish you?  
  
Harry: Yes.  
  
Voldemort: Well speak up boy.  
  
Harry: You have the ugliest eyes I've ever seen.  
  
Voldemort: ::all confused:: What?  
  
Harry: You think I just hate you just because you killed my parents? (A/N: I HATE Voldemort and Peter because they killed Lily and James! Lily's the BEST character in the Harry Potter series!!!!!!!)  
  
Voldemort: Of course, who wouldn't want revenge on the person who killed their parents?  
  
Harry: Well, yeah that's one of the reasons. But most of all, you are so not cool and ugly!  
  
Voldemort: ::disgusted:: What do you mean? I look at myself in the mirror everyday and I ask Peter every day, "How do I look?" and he says, "You look stunning!"  
  
Harry: That's cause Peter's a gay freak.  
  
Voldemort: How dare you insult Peter?!  
  
Harry: Very easily, I talk and insult.  
  
Voldemort: I didn't mean for you to answer that!  
  
Harry: Well to bad, I did.  
  
Voldemort: Well I guess I can kill you off now can I?  
  
Harry: Did you listen to anything I just said?  
  
Voldemort: Of course I did, then why would I be responding to your comments?  
  
Harry: Well I'm not finished.  
  
Voldemort: ::gives a confusing look::  
  
Harry: I'm not finished insulting you.  
  
Voldemort: Damn.  
  
Harry: What, are you to weak to handle it?"  
  
Voldemort: Of course I can; bring it on!  
  
Harry: You sure?  
  
Voldemort: Yes!  
  
Harry: Are you positively sure?  
  
Voldemort: Of course!  
  
Harry: Are you-  
  
Voldemort: God dammit yes already!  
  
Harry: Fine. You-  
  
Voldemort: SHUT UP WOULD YOU?  
  
Harry: I was just going to insult you.  
  
Voldemort: Ok please continue. (A/N: Doesn't that sound weird if you haven't read the story?)  
  
Harry: You have the ugliest eyes because I absolutely hate the color red.  
  
Voldemort: It's not my fault! ::sobs:: They only got that way because I went evil! You can't blame me!  
  
Harry: Yes I can.  
  
Voldemort: No you can't!  
  
Harry: Yes I can, I'm insulting you at the moment so I can say that! Oh yeah just to let you know, everything is your fault.  
  
Voldemort: No it isn't!!!  
  
Harry: Oh yes it is.  
  
Voldemort: It's not my fault that you love Hermione Granger. (A/N: That was unexpected. Well, maybe not for me because I'm the person writing this story.)  
  
*Hermione pops out of nowhere*  
  
Hermione: Did he just say what I think he just said?  
  
Harry: Umm, umm, umm, uh-NO!  
  
Voldemort: So you do like her!  
  
Harry: ::gets all mad:: NO I DON'T!!!!!  
  
Voldemort: You're just saying that because you're taken offense that someone actually figured it out!  
  
Hermione: Harry, is this true?  
  
Harry: Well, umm, umm, umm,::in small voice:: Yes I do.  
  
Hermione: What?  
  
Harry: Yes, ok I love you!  
  
Hermione: Oh cool, (A/N: I know totally unlike Hermione, but I could thing of anything for her to say.) wanna go out with me then?  
  
Harry: Sure! ::is all happy::  
  
Voldemort: Could we please continue what we were doing before?  
  
Harry: Yeah sure. See ya Hermione.  
  
Hermione: Bye.  
  
*Hermione vanishes*  
  
Harry: Lemme see. Ok, you don't have any friends.  
  
Voldemort: Of course I do! I have Peter!  
  
Harry: He's just nothing but a lab dog and a gay freak.(A/N: Sound familiar Laura?) I thought we already established that he was a gay freak.  
  
Voldemort: ::sobs:: That's not true!  
  
Harry: Believe me, it's true. I've seen the way he acts around you, and the proof is right there in front of you.  
  
Voldemort: ::sobs:: Well I still have my pet snake!  
  
Harry: Boy you really have a bad social life. No wonder you turned evil.  
  
Voldemort: You're the first one to figure that out! Sure I did turn evil because my dad left my mother, but I still wanted revenge on all the kids at Hogwarts who made fun of me!  
  
Harry: I never said I pitied you!  
  
Voldemort: That's because you don't know what kind of hell I went through when I was a teenager!  
  
Harry: You know what? I don't know about you pathetic teenage years, and I really don't care about that because it's fun to insult you.  
  
Voldemort: That's it! I've taken enough of this crap; I'm leaving! ::sobs hysterically and runs away::  
  
Harry: I should do that more often. It gets people out of my face quicker and it's an amusing way of doing it.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Yay! I is done. Thank God, my hands were starting to hurt. R&R!!!!! ( 


	2. Voldemort's Revenge (well, kinda)

A/N: Heehee, I'm back!!! :: everyone runs away in fear:: God dang it NO!!!!! It's just another chapter!!! :: everyone comes back:: Ok now that we got that settled, I'm doing this because I'm having a writer's block for my other story. Sooooo, umm, yeah, R&R!!!!  
  
  
  
Harry is losing against Voldemort (A/N: No one saw that one coming.)  
  
Voldemort: Go on, have your last words be making fun of me. Don't worry; I can handle it.  
  
Harry: You sure?  
  
Voldemort: Yeah.  
  
Harry: This is gonna be fun. You have so many wrinkles of on your face; you look like a zombie.  
  
Voldemort: Oh my God I'm so hurt.  
  
Harry: Fine then, HERMIONE!!!!!!  
  
*Hermione pops out of nowhere*  
  
Voldemort: What the hell are you doing here for? :: thinks for about thirty seconds:: What, Harry, are you going to cry to your girl friend because you make bad insults for me? :: laughs hysterically::  
  
Hermione: No, I'm just here to do this. :: pulls out wand:: Sensita!!!  
  
Voldemort:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :: takes a deep breath:: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  
  
*silence for a minute*  
  
Voldemort: How the hell is that supposed to affect me again?  
  
Harry: Hermione and I thought it might come in handy. It's a spell that makes you really sensitive and has you have PMS like what a girl has once every month.  
  
Voldemort: Crap, this can't be good.  
  
Hermione: It takes a while to kick in. It should kick in right about… now. So I'm going to leave before things get worse. See ya later Harry.  
  
Harry: Bye.  
  
*Hermione disappears*  
  
Harry: Moving on. Like I said before, you have the ugliest face I've ever seen! Especially the wrinkles on you face that make you look like a walking zombie and your red eyes because I absolutely hate the color red!!!! (A/N: From last chapter.)  
  
Voldemort: :: starts to sob:: I'm not going to give in to this stupid spell!!!  
  
Harry: The reason why all you death eaters left you wasn't because they were scared that the ministry would catch them, it was because you scared them because of your ugliness!!! Sure they wanted to be evil, but they couldn't stand the fact that you were so ugly!!!  
  
Voldemort: You are so hurtful!!!  
  
Harry: But I didn't touch you.  
  
Voldemort: Emotionally!!! (A/N: I just had to use that, Laura, it was just the perfect moment.)  
  
Harry: You are starting to act like a girl. :: gets an idea:: (A/N: Wow that's new!) You're gay!!!  
  
Voldemort: No I'm not!!! It's just the spell, I tell you, JUST THE SPELL!!!  
  
Harry: Suuuuure.  
  
Voldemort: It's true!!!  
  
Harry: :: completely ignores what he said:: That would be the most hilarious headline for The Daily Prophet: The Dark Lord Who All Wizards and Witches Fear: Turns Gay!!! :: bursts out in laughter::  
  
Voldemort: :: sobbing and getting really mad:: You wouldn't!!!  
  
Harry: :: evilly grins:: Wasn't planning on to, but thanks for the idea though. I'll go do that.  
  
Voldemort: This will totally ruin my social life!  
  
Harry: Like it hasn't already?  
  
Voldemort: SHUT UP!!! (A/N: AHHHHHH!!!!!!! Evil words of Mark a.k.a. Peter Pettigrew! Sry if I confused you, inside joke. (Like that's not new)) :: runs away sobbing hysterically::  
  
Harry: God can't he take a joke? It's not I was really gonna do that. He really needs to stop taking things so seriously.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: I hope that was good enough for you people. Might not have been as long as the last chapter, but oh well. I have a question for you Laura, he does? I mean still after what happened at the roller rink? Anyways, review plz!!!! Remember no flames. 


	3. Voldemort Tries Again

A/N: I'm basically writing this story because of a writer's block for my other story: Hermione's Interference. Also because I've been reading a lot of humor fics lately. Which is very strange because I usually go under romance. Whatever, just R&R.  
  
  
  
What else would this story start out with my favorite scene in this story: Harry is losing (yet again), so he uses his only other weapon…  
  
Harry: Here we go again.  
  
Voldemort: With what?  
  
Harry: My only other way of beating you is by insulting you.  
  
Voldemort: Oh great, and I just got over that PMS spell. Do you know how long that lasted?  
  
Harry: ::muttering:: No, but I wish it could have lasted longer. Then that way I could make fun of you because you were gay.  
  
Voldemort: Hey I heard that!!!  
  
Harry: ::gets all mad:: I thought you said I was muttering, Moonlight Lily!!!  
  
Moonlight Lily: Don't ask me, I was just trying to be funny and annoying.  
  
Harry: Well you're doing a good job of it.  
  
Moonlight Lily: Yay! I actually accomplished something and annoyed Harry at the same time!!  
  
Harry: :: unenthusiastically:: Whoo-ho  
  
Moonlight Lily: ::realizes something:: (A/N: Wow that's new! Don't mind me, I like to insult people including myself. This just proves I have no life.) How did I get here in the first place?  
  
Harry: I made you come so I could complain. (A/N: Heehee. Complaining is fun.)  
  
Moonlight Lily: Ok then… can go now and continue on with the story?  
  
Voldemort: Story? What story!!! I'm confused!!!  
  
Moonlight Lily: Good, you should be because you're Hitler! Hitler didn't die because he committed suicide, you just change you're name so that the people who hated you couldn't kill you.  
  
Harry: That was random.  
  
Voldemort: Who's Hitler?  
  
Moonlight Lily: He killed almost all of the Jews in Europe during World War two and a dictator.  
  
Voldemort: I'm even more confused.  
  
Moonlight Lily: That's the point because I'm insulting you by saying that you're Hitler and you don't even know who Hitler is.  
  
Voldemort: I'm even more confused that I was before, didn't think that was possible. So Harry, I'll fight with you later ok because I need to stop thinking for a long time to stop being confused. (A/N: Sry if that confused anyone.)  
  
*Voldemort leaves*  
  
Harry: What the hell was that for?  
  
Moonlight Lily: What?  
  
Harry: You made Voldemort go away! That's my job!!! :: starts to whine::  
  
Moonlight Lily: :: in sarcastic voice:: Geez, Sorry.  
  
Harry: :: whining::  
  
Moonlight Lily: You're almost as bad as my six-year-old sister.  
  
Harry: :: still continues to whine::  
  
Moonlight Lily: Umm… Yeah I'm gonna go now, see ya.  
  
*Moonlight Lily leaves*  
  
Harry: :: continues to whine::  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
A/N: Sry if this chapter sucked because I couldn't think of anything else. Sry if the chapter was too short. Just review plz!!! No flames.  
  
~Note to Laura the Prairie Dog:  
  
Heehee. I'm psychic!!! To bad he didn't say anything about "James" and me. Oh well. I know you're gonna kill me because of that story. Hopefully you read this chapter. And we are gonna make "James" and "Sirius" do the cha-cha slide next time!!! Heehee.  
  
~ Moonlight Lily 


End file.
